


Meet the Parents

by SkullWoggle



Series: The Vampair Series x Reader Highschool AU Stories [3]
Category: The Vampair series
Genre: Awkward, Comedy, Dinner Party, Embarassing Parents, Gen, Other, embarassing sibling, meet the parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23193685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkullWoggle/pseuds/SkullWoggle
Summary: You're bringing your vampire boyfriend Duke to meet your family. But will you two survive the embarrassment of your opinionated grandmother, nosy but nurturing mother, anxious dog and brother who is totally on to Duke's secret?
Relationships: X Reader - Relationship, oc x canon - Relationship, reader x canon - Relationship
Series: The Vampair Series x Reader Highschool AU Stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664248
Kudos: 1





	Meet the Parents

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun to write! Warning-some references to sex, courtesy of reader's smart-mouthed grandmother. Enjoy!

You’re excitedly helping set the table and nice up the house in preparation for dinner tonight. This is no average dinner night as your family is going to be meeting your boyfriend! The coolest thing about him though-he’s a vampire! He can float, turn into a bat, has cute pointy ears, and can’t walk in sunlight! Okay, maybe the last part isn’t super rad. But it’s super cool having a superpowered boyfriend! 

Admittedly you’re nervous about him meeting you family as your dad’s overprotective, your mom is overly nurturing, your grandmother is blunt as all hell, your dog is neurotic and jumpy, and your older brother is…..your older brother. A self-proclaimed know it all in anything paranormal, and nosier than your mom. And a tattletale. And a know it all. Heaven help him get under your family’s good graces.

The dog starts barking and howling, meaning your beloved is here. You answer the door. 

“Duke!” 

“Hey, *Y/N*!” You two kiss briefly, and he hands you flowers. He stands for a bit and you look confused. 

“What?”

“Invite me in.” he whispers.

“Ohhhhh. Come on in sweetheart!”

He comes in and places the roses on a side table. Your mom sees this and enjoys this. 

“Oooh, black roses! That is so cool!”

“Are they dead?” your grandmother asks. 

“Nannie!” you give her a dirty look. Secretly you’re hoping dad left the duct tape in a place where you can find it later. You turn to your family and have him meet everyone. 

“Duke, this is Dad, Mom, Nannie, and Corey.”

“Hello!”

“Hi, I’m *Y/N*’s mother, how are you?”

“You’re awfully skinny, don’t you ever eat?”

“Eh.”

“AWHOOO!” your dog jumps on top of Duke.

“And that’s…..Beaker. Beaker! Beaker! Down! Down boy! Yeah, we should put him in the other room.” You get a treat and lead Beaker to the other room and then close the door. You look at Duke who’s slowly managing to get up from off the floor, a frightened look on his face. 

“You alright, hon?”

“I’ll live…heheheh, what a playful little scamp. Does he usually knock over whoever comes through the door?”

“Only strangers.”

“Ah.”

You pull him towards his seat, sitting between you and Corey. Corey shoots him a dirty look and Duke looks towards you and grabs your hand. Suddenly your dad comes up behind Duke holding a knife.

“HELLO THERE!”

“GAAAAH!”

“Would you like a slice of lasagna?”

“Uh…..sure….” he says, putting up his plate so your dad can cut and give him a slice. After passing some food around, your mother is ready for everyone to say the blessing.

“*Y/N*, do you want to lead Grace?”

“Okay. Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, Amen!”

Your mother looks confused at you. “Honey, that’s not how we usually say Grace…”

“Well….Duke’s of a different religion, so I wanted to respect his religion by doing something more…..universal? Yeah.”

“Oh.” Your mom looks disappointed. Everyone starts to dig in. Duke speaks up.

“Does any of this have garlic in it?”

“The garlic bread and the lasagna. Why do you ask?”

“Allergies. That’s fine, I’ll eat the potatoes and the salad. Do we have any other meat here?”

“Well, there’s the dog….”

“Corey!” chides your mom. 

“Well there ARE meat slices in the fridge, you can mix it in with your meal. Hmm, averse to religious ceremonies, allergic to garlic, need for meaty food….are you a vampire?”

“Corey!” 

Duke huffs. “No…I just need it for my anemia, that’s all. And it’s just a garlic allergy.”

“What’s your religion?” probed Corey.

“Atheist/agnostic….” 

“Well, as long as you’re not one of those Satanist bozos who sacrifice goats and kittens and crap, it’s all good!” chirped Nannie.

“Nannie!” you say. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not….” Duke sighs and goes back to eating. You and your mother shoot dirty looks at Corey and Nannie. Your mother begins to start asking Duke personal questions. “Sooooo…..Duke is it?”

“Mmmhmm.”

“What kind of name is that? Do you have brothers named Sultan and Prince?”

“Nannie! What grade are you in?”

“Eleventh.”

“Are you from around here? Were you raised in this town your whole life?”

“He’s from Transylvania…” whispers Corey.

“No!” Duke shoots Corey a nasty look. “My dad and I moved...I want to say, last summer? The summer before?”

“Oh that’s nice! Do you like it here?”

“.....it’s a town…..full of people….so….eh.”

“Where did you live prior to here?”

“Another town.”

“Did you like it there?

“No. But this town is slightly better?” Duke shrugs.

“What’s your father like? What does he do for a job?”

Duke straightened up, inhaled, and stroked his chin. Now was time to think up a good cover story. “He…...is a businessman. Very successful, makes a lot of money.”

“Is he nice?”

“PFFT! No! I hate the guy!” Duke rolled his eyes. “He says I have no ambitions in life, that I’m not serious enough, and that I embarrass him!”

Your mom tilts her head in concern. “Awww. I’m sorry. Does he really mean that? Maybe he said that in frustration.”

“I hope he chokes on his own vomit…” Duke growls.

“Or on garlic! Does he share your presumably hereditary garlic allergy?” asked Corey.  
“Corey!” 

Your grandmother speaks up. “I have a question for you…..are you goth?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re thin…..pale…...you’re wearing all black and a fedora thingy with a skull on it….are you one of those people who wear black eyeliner and write depressing poetry and cut themselves?”

“NO! I mean, most of them apply but I don’t write poetry and/or self harm!” protested Duke.

“Ah okay. Yeah, my niece used to be goth when she was your age….then she outgrew it and became a mother and had a family. She un-gothed.”

You dramatically put your hands on your head. “Nannie, stop! That’s the saddest story I’ve ever heard! Not while we’re EATING!” 

“What’s wrong with having a family and a husband?”

“No, the un-gothing part!” you shudder.

“He’s so goth he’s dead….” muttered Corey, which Duke responds with a kick under the table.

“Yeah, I never did understand those gothy, spooky types. You know, if you wore less black and were less pale, you’d be more handsome.” This invoked an irritated glare from you and Duke. Noticing your angry looks, your grandmother starts to backpedal. “I mean, you do you! Hehehehhe. Don’t let my fashion backwards ass determine what you wear! It’s your life!” Your grandma laughs. “I mean, I still don’t approve of this ‘gothic lifestyle’ you’re getting into *Y/N*, but….you don’t have to listen to me!”

“Mmmhmm.” you start drinking your milk, unprepared for the next question that comes out of Nannie’s mouth.

“Are you two having sex?”

“MOTHER!” your mother chides.

You spit out your milk all over your area and Duke starts choking on his potatoes. Your dad comes over and performs the heimlich maneuver on Duke and the half-digested food lands on your brother’s plate. 

“Nannie, wouldn’t that be considered necrophilia?” he looks back to his plate. “Hmmmm….at least I could study this specimen for further research….”

“Corey…” warns your dad.

Nannie looks shocked and confused. “What? I just don’t want *Y/N* being unsafe…”

“And catching bat-syphilis.”

“COREY!” your parents yell. 

“URRRRRRGH!” You stomp out of the room and run to your bedroom upset. Duke gets up from the table. “.....I’ll go check on *Y/N*” 

You’re sitting on your bed curled up in a ball, furious at your family. Don’t they know how to shut up? You hear a knock at the door. 

“Go away!” 

“It’s Duke.”

You open the door and let him in. He sits in your chair.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry about dinner…”

“No, I’m sorry! That my family is full of freaks! My brother thinks he’s Van Helsing, my grandmother is fucking rude, my mom overly babies and smothers everyone who walks in through the door, and my dog tried to murder you!” You huff angrily and flop back on your bed. 

“You’re dad’s not bad. I mean, he DID startle me, but he technically saved my afterlife. So I guess I can trust him to keep me alive-ish…..as well as dead ish. I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW BUFF HE IS? What, was he a marine?”

You shake his head. “No. He just does yardwork. A LOT of yardwork.”

“And your mom cares! Like, yeah she…..wants to know everything about everyone, but she….seems to want to make sure I’m okay? Like she cares about my wellbeing? Not like my dad. He sucks. I’d KILL to have your family!”

“Don’t say that. You’ll give Corey more leverage to hunt you.”

You both laugh. “Though let’s be real, Corey’s a pain in the ass.” 

“True that babe.” you say. You lean over your bed and start kissing. Then…

“A-HA! Corey kicks open the door. “SAY YOUR PRAYERS DRACULA!” He’s holding a homemade pointed stick with garlic butter smeared all over it. Duke panics and rolls out of your chair. 

“I CAUGHT HIM, DAD! HE WAS TRYING TO TURN *Y/N* INTO A LEGION OF THE UNDEAD!”

“COREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!” you yell, chasing after him.

“Good thing you kicked that door open, Corey!” calls your grandma. “They could’ve been making whoopie!” 

“NANNIE, COREY I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!”

When your brother is successfully shooed away from your bedroom, Duke gets up and slowly creeps out of your bedroom and slinks towards the kitchen.

“I…..think I’ll get going. Nice meeting you all!” he smiled sheepishly. 

Nannie shook her head. “Aww, no dessert? We’ve got some good stuff, like WHOOPIE pie…”

“Mother…..” hisses your mom. “She’s kidding, we don’t have whoopie pie, we have brownies.”

“Pot brownies?”

Your mother sighs. “You’ll have to excuse her. She’s senile.”

“It’s okay.” There’s a loud crash upstairs. “COREY, YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR TWO WEEKS!” your dad shouts. 

“I’m…..gonna head out now.”

THE END


End file.
